I just experienced another Unexpected Road today. Life never ceases to amaze me.
I shared a little bit about my struggles with my Mom yesterday in my post, “Do Unto Others,” and I wrote
“If either of them [my family] ever genuinely want a relationship, if they ever can see how their actions have hurt others, if they can other see beyond their own wounds and hurts, I will be here waiting for them with reconciliation. But I’m not going to keep enduring their craziness and abuse.”
I’m very sorry our phone call ended badly. If your willing I would like us to get together soon. Let me know.
Now, manipulative people know how to push buttons, and use positive and negative reinforcement to keep a person off-balance and under their control (for more about manipulative people, click here). And my Mom has used this on me. However, this is the first time in all these years that my Mom has said that she was “sorry.” Even when I went to her and asked her to forgive me for anything I had done to hurt her, she did not say, “I’m sorry.” So the fact that she said she was sorry has made me cautiously optimistic that maybe her heart is softening toward me. So I will take the next step, and write her a letter. I am writing a letter for the first step because I express my heart better in writing, and it’s easier to think through what to say and not get defensive.
I want to tell my Mom that I love her, and always have, and I forgave her long ago. I don’t want to get into much “you hurt me and wronged me” stuff because I believe that EVERYONE sins, fails, makes mistakes, misunderstands, offends, and does or says things that we shouldn’t have, and we ALL need forgiveness. But I also want to set into place some healthy boundaries. I believe that either my Mom wants a relationship with me or she doesn’t. (I have already wanted a relationship all these years.) If she doesn’t want a relationship, we need to separate. If she wants a relationship, we BOTH have to work on it. There can be no expecting the other to do all the reconciling, and there can be no clinging to anger and blame. I want to have honesty and respect in the relationship. No manipulative games. I want to somehow communicate this to her in a loving way.
Please pray for me over the next few days as I work on it. Pray that God will work in this situation, and a broken relationship can be restored.