The Choice

Thinking about how God taught me to comprehend His imaginable love for me has made me think about  my life, and things God has taught me through suffering and difficulties, and His faithfulness through it all. I thought I’d share some more of my life stories with you.
First of all, I’d like to tell you about “The Choice.” There was a day when I was in my late-twenties when I was driving home from work, struggling with my life. Nothing had happened the way I had wanted it to. None of my life’s dreams had come true, and I didn’t see how they ever could. I felt stuck in meaninglessness, so I asked God for help. Suddenly, I vividly “saw” Jesus standing in front of me, and He offered me a choice of either having “all my dreams come” true but not having a deep relationship with Him, or trusting Him to direct my paths, which would lead through suffering but result in a deep, close relationship with Him. Then He disappeared.

I wondered if it was real. I believe it was. However, even if it was a figment of my imagination, I decided that the choice was real. I believe that we will always follow what is most important to us, and make choices and decisions accordingly. If making money is important to a person, he will make choices that lead to making money. If education is important to a person, he will make choices to reach that goal. If being famous, being a writer, having adventure, being a Mom, or learning Hebrew is important, a person will make the choices and sacrifices that lead to that goal.

If you read this post and ask yourself, “If Jesus gave me a choice of either having all my dreams come true but not having a deep relationship with Him, or trusting Him to direct my paths, which would lead through suffering but result in a deep, close relationship with Him…which would I choose?” Then you will have been offered The Choice, and you will choose what is most important to you, and that is what you will pursue in your life. You don’t need a “vision” to be offered the choice. We make the choice every day of what is important to us and what we will pursue.

But I was given a vision. And I wrestled with it for several days. The “Spiritual Answer” would have been to immediately say I would follow Jesus to the ends of the earth and sacrifice anything and everything for Him, but I felt that if I was going to choose to let Christ direct my paths through suffering and give up my dreams, I better count the cost and really mean it. So I wrestled with The Choice, and finally, really and truly, concluded that “all my dreams come-true” would be “nightmares” if Christ wasn’t in them. So I chose to let Him direct my steps. And He has led me through suffering. Sometimes the only thing that got me through the suffering was remembering The Choice that I made. I do not regret anything He led me through because I saw His faithfulness and learned of Him.

I have already shared some of my life in bits and pieces: I wrote about God’s Love Beyond Imagining just recently. You can read a little about the emotional abuse and rejection I suffered from my family if you click on “Emotional Abuse” in the Tag Cloud at the left of my blog. I don’t think I wrote about it in great detail, but it’s enough to understand some of what I went through. Through my struggles with emotional abuse and rejection, I learned about God’s forgiveness, love, reconciliation, and trust.

In the next few posts, I will write about some of the other things God has taken me through. I do not think I will write about my life in any real chronological order, but I will write about things as they come to mind. I will also share what I believe God taught me through it.

I would like to end this post by sharing a poem that I wrote several years ago after my son and I read a book in homeschool about a community of women who made a coat for a very poor little girl whose father had died, and who couldn’t go to school because she had no coat. They made the coat out of scraps of material from other clothing. When the schoolchildren teased the girl about her patchwork coat, she told them it was a coat of stories–because each scrap had a story behind it. One piece was from a blanket one of the mothers had wrapped her newborn baby in, another from a favorite dress, the piece over her heart was from her Daddy’s coat. After we read the story, I pondered that God saved the scraps and pieces of my life that I would have thrown away, and He made them into a “comforter” that keeps me warm as I remember them.

The Patchwork Quilt

I would have thrown them all away
For they’d all seen a better day
The pieces tattered and threadbare
Showing signs of strain and wear
Those cherished dreams that didn’t last
Remnants of hopes from the past

But ancient hands that saved each bit
Trim jagged pieces till they fit
Then sewing with a slender thread
A cross-stitch that’s a deep blood-red
Redeem the useless scraps to form
A patchwork quilt to keep me warm

I’m comforted by the quilt’s embrace
As life’s patches I gently trace
Amazed that every piece can tell
A story that warms my heart so well
For every patch I feel and see
Recalls God’s faithfulness to me

Each dark patch that I’ve lived through
Reminds that God had been there too
For when trouble had me in it’s hold
I saw His love and good unfold
The lighter pieces, cheerful and bright
Recall joyful dancing in His light

The pieces tattered and threadbare
Hold beauty in the stories shared
If I’d discarded them as planned
I’d never had seen God’s faithful hand
But the pains and pleasures so long past
Now warm me with a love that lasts

2 thoughts on “The Choice

  1. thewomanatthewell says:

    TJ- This brought tears to my eyes,I have so much to learn and at the same time I know now that I really only have one thing to learn,the choice is mine and not one to be made in haste but rather with thoughtful reflection and a sure heart so regret can not try later to lure me away. You give such radiant gifts with the things you choose to write about. Thank you for sharing your life with me-watw

  2. TJ says:

    Thank you, WATW. Your comments are such an "day brightner" to me. I love hearing from you. I also enjoy your posts. I appreciate your honest vulnerability about your life.

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