For many years, I struggled to believe that God really loves me. I grew up hearing that He did, and I thought I believed it, but I didn’t REALLY believe it deep down in my spirit. It comes from growing up with conditional love. Because I didn’t really believe He loved me, I was scared whenever I “failed” God that He would be disappointed or angry with me. And any time something bad happened, I thought God was punishing me for something. Recognizing that this was a problem, about ten years ago I began to pray Ephesians 3:17-19 for myself:
Today I re-remembered things about blessings that I had disremembered. I word it this way because I have realized that there are a lot of truths that I haven’t exactly forgotten, I just have temdisremembered them. And when I remember them, it’s not exactly like I am remembering them, it’s more like I am remembering them again. You know, RE-remembering them.
Before I begin writing what I want to write, I need to explain a few things. Several years ago, I discovered the website, Hebrew4christians.com. This site has free Hebrew lessons, and my son and I have been using its resources to teach ourselves Hebrew. It has more than Hebrew language lessons, however. It also provides information about common Hebrew blessings, Jewish prayers, the Scriptures, the Jewish holidays, and weekly Torah portions from a Messianic point of view. I have learned an incredible amount of truth from this site, the awesome beauty of Scripture has deepened, and my faith has grown.
My son left for Boy Scout Camp yesterday, so it’s just me and my husband this week. EJ had the day off yesterday (Sunday) so we decided to go on a “date.” We drove to a town about an hour away–the same town we drive to several times a week to visit the chiropractor–and got some Hot & Ready pizza. This is pizza that’s already made so a person doesn’t have to wait for it. It’s sort of like a pizza fast food place. We walk in, see what’s available, buy it, and walk out. It’s more inexpensive and quicker than waiting for the pizza to be made. We went to a local park and ate the pizza while looking at people boating on the lake and talked.
One of my Facebook friends sent me a link to an interesting blog post titled, How Harry Potter Saved My Faith, with the following message:
This is a very interesting viewpoint (I had been told that Harry stories were blasphemous, but watched the movies anyway-*gasp*) thought this was an interesting testimony, wanted your opinion before I warp minds with it.
Several years ago, I began making a list of what I call “Duh Truths.” Duh Truths are truths that, when I finally understand them, are so simple and obvious that I feel like hitting my head and exclaiming, “Well, DUH!” Sometimes I thought I understood the truths before, and I didn’t realize that I didn’t really understand them until I suddenly DO understand them (got that?). It’s like the truth, “Jesus Loves Me.” I’ve heard that all my life and thought I already knew it, but I didn’t really understand it, and I didn’t really operate out of it, until a few years ago when I REALLY understood it–-at least on a deeper level. I think we will spend all eternity learning truths about God at deeper and deeper levels, and I’m sure that at each new level, I will think, “I didn’t understand it before, but NOW I understand it.”